one word, doofus(dufus) ! prelim and nlevel coming i felt like i've become dumber and dumber ! i need to get my english and maths right but how? i felt like asking mum for tution teacher but later i will scold myself for asking that. why? i will be lazy to go. Life is hard ! it seems easy but actually it is not. i just got the feeling that i will suck up on prelim and im going to be worry sick ! okie the problems now are my results and my irritating family ! I got the worse family ever. mum was blaming me for everything and ordering me to do stuff and mum never ever asked second sis to do anything or even my first sis. I was always the one been called stupid, childish and even just now sis just scolded me vulgarities and i bet mum heard that ! and she didn't even scold her ! Whatever i do like asked sis to lower down the volume, asking sis that i want to use the computer, not arraging the clothes, not folding the clothes, not cleaning up my table which it will be mess a few hours later and not been studying, everything, i will definitely get scolded or even slap by mum. I know im in normal technical and always didn't think that i am one but sometime or i could put this, now a days i felt like i am one. i know im not dumb, not stupid but somehow i just felt that i am one. I admit that im lazy but i know that i always try my best on studying but trying my best is not good enough. I want to study but how ? i need someone to guide me, to teach me, to show me, to accompany me but somehow no one want because i am not a good or even a great friend. Sometimes i felt that i don't have true family. It looks like i have one perfect family but actually i don't. It looks like i am rich but actually i am not. It looks like im better then anyone else but actually i am not. I always want the stuff that i want and ended up i didn't get any. I want to bought a guitar and ended up i got scolded. The only way i can do is to blog or complain to myself which i will get more frustrated. I always wants to run away from home or even commit suicide but thinking twice its just not worth it but now i so want to commit suicide ! I hate my life but the only life that i like the most is in school with my friends and teachers. somehow now i sounds like a sore loser ! this is life nursyahirah, better hold on tight the futher you go, the harder it gets one day you will shine just like a light don't give up, just hold on tight because this is life. -nursyahirah |